// archives

hell

This tag is associated with 10 posts

The Audition

By jelewis8 ⋅ February 19, 2007 ⋅ 3 comments

Ah, the casting process. It’s kind of like waiting around in Hell’s foyer for an appointment with either Satan or one of his running mates. It’s warm, not hot, and you wait for longer than you anticipate. You think, well, it’s Satan, at the very least he’ll be punctual.
Not so. Lucifer is neither punctual nor [...]

A Truth Universally Acknowledged

By jelewis8 ⋅ August 9, 2006 ⋅ Post a comment

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that on the day before a trip out of town, all hell will break loose and nothing you plan will come to fruition. I’m heading out of town for a week tomorrow morning, and natch, I have obligations and necessary contortions I must force my life into to accomplish [...]

I Dream Of Beheading

By jelewis8 ⋅ March 28, 2006 ⋅ Post a comment

Note to self: Drink less Coke at 11:30 at night. Not the caffeine factor. It’s been playing hell with my dreams. Last night, I dreamt, in Technicolor, that I was camping with some friends and then a crazy islander ran up with a look in his eye that meant business, and proceeded to cut off [...]

The Lost Weekend

By jelewis8 ⋅ March 3, 2006 ⋅ One comment

In the words of St. Ignatius Loyola, “Dude.”
It’s Friday, which means it’s the weekend, and somehow, I have very little to say. I had a consulting job today with the firm I did freelance work with last month. I was expecting a two, two and a half hour job. It turned into six. Not bad, [...]

Hell’s Customer Support Line

By jelewis8 ⋅ February 9, 2006 ⋅ 2 comments

I am aggressively pursuing buying a home. In the current market, and given my current location, this means roughly $666,000, give or take a few thousand. Incidentally, that figure also doubles as the phone number for Hell’s customer support center. If Hell had a customer support, that is. I sincerely doubt it’s any good.
HARRY: Hey, [...]

Doom

By jelewis8 ⋅ October 26, 2005 ⋅ One comment

Doom. Well, it didn’t suck, per se.
Perhaps I should start over. Doom. It features a cast of about seven people who are just itching to get their guts spilled by some clever animated creature from Mars or Hell or wherever these movie monsters typically arrive from. It’s not unlike the John Carpenter movie Ghosts of [...]

Regional Division of Hell

By jelewis8 ⋅ September 8, 2005 ⋅ 3 comments

I spent part of the morning at one of the regional branch offices of Hell, which of course was incorporated sometime back in the early 80’s. Well, technically, it was a separate company owned by Hell. No, not the airport. Yes, I’m referring to the DMV, or Devil’s Motor Vendor, voted 2nd Most Likely Place [...]

Warren Beatty, etc.

By jelewis8 ⋅ February 27, 2005 ⋅ One comment

Who knew Annette Bening married the crypt keeper?
If Jamie Foxx doesn’t win something, I’m absolutely certain he will disintegrate in a giant puff of smoke.
What the hell did Renee Zellweger do to her hair?

Welcome to the Oscars

By jelewis8 ⋅ February 27, 2005 ⋅ Post a comment

Well, we’re about four minutes from four hours of the hell that is Hollywood’s self-congratulatory awards ceremony. I love it!
Lots of tuxedo-clads and fashion dresses that accent body parts. Hilary Swank is up now with Billy Bush, and I believe she’s going to tell about her upcoming starring role in the new Mr. Ed movie.

Constantine

By jelewis8 ⋅ February 21, 2005 ⋅ One comment

I watched Constantine over the weekend, and was amused for two hours. A gravelly, chainsmoking anti-hero, Constantine is a reworked American version of the original British Vendetta/DC Comics’ Hellblazer series by Alan Moore, whose previous beloved works, From Hell and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen have received less than extraordinary screen translations. Constantine has a few [...]

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