Unfortunately, I broke two pacts this weekend. One was my intention not to watch the Oscars. The other was not to see any theatrical movies this year. The shame is minimal, as you might expect from breaking a pair of baseless, unprecedented vows. It’s not like I slept with a hooker or anything. And it’s not like I was doing it for Lent. That would be one thing.
Oscars were enjoyable. I correctly predicted 16 of the 24 awards, including all the “major” categories. By next year, I’ll be pitch perfect and writing for Rolling Stone. My church put on an Oscar party with red carpet and paparazzi and lots of food. It was a fun experience, but it’s like any party which celebrates celebrity with more celebrity–it kind of feels like giving yourself the Heimlich. The Oscars is a nice way for Hollywood to feel appreciated, if only by themselves, by giving themselves pats on the back, providing they don’t trip over their own gowns and egos. George Clooney gave Hollywood a collective BJ by hearkening back to the days when blacks were still not allowed to sit in the front of buses. Apparently, if you’re letting blacks be gaffers while middle America is stuck in the “White Toilets Only” mode, you’re progressive. Congratulations. Piper, who still isn’t blogging, has more on the evening’s self-fellatio. Not his, of course…
Speaking of progressive, Brokeback Mountain ran out of steam about three days before Oscar ceremony time, giving Crash a much needed boost. Excellent marketing job…indeed, perhaps too successful. They made Brokeback such a ubiquitous catchphrase that it lost all cultural potency. But in truth, I do not believe everything in the Oscars is political. Having only seen clips from Brokeback, nothing impresses me to the point of starstruck awe. Heath and Jake are examples of two actors who are capable, but not extraordinary. They were nominated in the vacuum of other quality actors and in the parachute-like bulge of the movie’s content. Progressive? Maybe. Or maybe it’s just another interesting attraction on the arcade of 21st century culture.
I’ll have a review up later this week of the stinker I broke my other vow with. I can sum up Ultraviolet with three words, for those who don’t like my longer reviews: Ultra Suck It.
About 50 friends showed up in Los Angeles this weekend, which makes this four straight weekends of me getting absolutely nothing done. Not that I mind. But I do. I think it’s my fault, though, since I allow myself to get sucked into the funness of hanging out with old friends. The only solution is to hide myself away in a Malibu penthouse for a month. Call me in five years when I have the mortgage payment plan and a guest house. Then it’s call if you want to get together. I live out in Malibu. I’ve got a great place here, perfect for guests, but I ain’t drivin’ into LA.
A pleasant fiction. But still five years down the road, at least. Until then, I do need to land on a “get out of friends visiting” space. You’d think after eight months going around the board, I’d have hit it at least once. I get “free parking” all the time. But I love my friends. I don’t want to sound like a dick.
Too late.
I love you.
I totally forgot to link Piper’s Los Angeles visit, which he blogs in a more cohesive, comprehensive, and welcoming style than my own rapid-fire accounting. Piper, who is, I repeat, still not blogging, paints a generous picture of his time here, and I appreciate his observations for his mordant wit and style, which blends an East Coast cynicism with a West Coast blaseness. Way to win hearts and minds!
Also, very cool, Jewelboxing has a profile on Red State and how I used their DVD cases to create a wonderful complement to the film. I appreciate the shoutout, guys! While you’re at it, why not purchase the film on DVD, for the low-low price of $6 plus shipping? Link is on the sidebar, FYI.
That about does her. See you tomorrow. With bells on.