The world can be a great sunshiney ball of happiness. But clearly, there are things wrong with it that need to be fixed NOW through community and working together and impeaching President Bush and mollifying those downtrodden Middle Eastern folk who’ve been oppressed by cartoons and oil barons all their lives (Halliburton, I’m looking at you!). We could solve these various dilemmas in short order if only we were to enact the following:
1) Higher taxes for the rich
2) Cease and desist all war activities
3) Bush is a terrorist
I was thinking about the plan Democrats have put out for fixing the world, and I realized I wasn’t sure what it was. A bit of research and I came up with the above three-pronged system. Now, I’m as much a fan of the second point as anyone, so long as the other guys also agree to 4) Cease and desist from blowing up innocent civilians and developing long range chemical and biological weaponry.
I don’t deny that President Bush is strong on defense but weak on national matters, and what’s worse, he’s a pigeon turd-bombing a picnic at PR, which his opponents use to make his strengths seem like weaknesses. So the Republicans don’t have a terribly tenable position. Except for one fact: their opponents are Democrats, which is about as fair as pitting a cat against an Centaurian battle fleet. Even when the Republicans screw up, the Democrats have nothing of substance. Then there’s the self-sabotage.
It’s no secret how most Democrats feel about the war. What’s astonishing is their view of Bush as basically a really stupid, but totally evil, puppet. Behind the strings, or with his fingers up Bush’s backside, is Satan. That’s how bad it’s gotten. Even their portrayal of the man is uneven. He’s a chimp…but he somehow tricked everyone into the war; he’s a mental midget…yet somehow he’s managed to elude stupidity prosecution; he lied and people died…but people in the Middle East and the South seem to love him; he’s obviously a racist…yet blacks are deserting the Democratic party in droves. What gives? Is this a party of answers, or cue cards for a karaoke song played endlessly?
Coupled with a media that has done its best to paint everything Bush does as the incarnation of totalitarianism, you have the making of a major religion. They’ve got their sins, their virtues, their belief in the infallibility of their mouthpieces, the inviolability of the liberal doctrine and its missionary spread across the globe. They’ve even got their anti-Christ. All they lack is a messiah.
Here’s the fun part: those top-tiered Dems with money to spare for election campaigns and full-page anti-war advertisements, don’t actually believe in things like taxing the rich. Oh, they say they do, but look at their tax returns, and you find every possible loophole exploited for maximum return, minimum excretion. John Kerry paid less in taxes than Dubya last year, even though he’s worth more. And a fix for the messy business of war in Iraq and Afghanistan? Not an alternative solution in sight. As for Bush himself, they’re reduced to making up resolutions to censure Bush and then voting against their own resolution for fear of uniting the Republicans around national security, which they know they’re weak on, and which they know, deep down, they have little valid criticism on which to stand. But introduce the possibility of censure, and it gets in the public’s mind. The media massages it until you find out Bush was actually responsible for the Holocaust.
Oh wait, that was just an anti-war sign, one of many at the faltering, paltry anti-war protests playing out like a sad, fourth run theatrical showing. Seems lately they’re more interested in protesting the evil puppet master Bush than the war. And which war are they protesting, anyway? Afghanistan? That’s not a war, that’s a couple guys with AK’s shooting wildly into the air, hoping to hit anyone who looks like they’re wearing a US uniform. Iraq? Well…is it a war or an occupation? Maybe they’re protesting the so-called civil war, though if it was really a civil war, wouldn’t we see legitimate government factions fighting against each other? Unless terrorists have suddenly become bonified, I’d say we have more of a tribal conflict than a civil war. Either way, Bush started it, if you ask any protester. Get ‘im outta here.
There’s a term in sports when you’re ahead and you begin playing conservatively. It’s called ‘playing not to lose’. The Dems have been playing it for six straight years. The sad thing is, they were never ahead to begin with.