I woke this morning at five in the AM to hear a steady, but not heavy rain. Two days after spring, I thought, and right on time. You can almost feel a turn in the weather, even though yesterday was chilly and grey, like a room in which the heat’s been turned on, but takes forever to warm up because the thermostat’s not quite right and the oil-burning heater sputters out from time to time. It’ll get there, eventually, if we have to get out and physically push the globe to a more vernal position.
Talk about your mid-week lulls. I started Monday with a case for life. Yesterday, I continued on that theme and put forth a disclaimer: I do NOT support congress messing with our junk, to put things slightly out of proper diction. Now it’s Wednesday and all I can think or write about is the vague hint of sunlight peeking through some clouds. I can tell because my window blinds are glowing.
There. Magic. Raised the blinds, window already open, and despite the heavy smattering of Rebecca St. James floating over from my roommate’s perpetually worship music-soaked room, I can hear the buzzing of whatever insects happened to have come back from vacation in the underworld and the dollops of chirruping coming from the birds that live just beyond the clearing and in the woods on the right side of the house. That, above rainbows and green leaves and tulips and bluer skies is the most comforting thing spring brings. It means it’s safe. It means that things are waking up, time is slowing down somewhat, becoming more indolent and luxurious.
Winter has a kind of stringent royalty about it, a stern uncle that refuses to hug you and sometimes mocks you because you don’t have a girlfriend. But Winter’s also got staying power, like hated in-laws, and you’re never more glad when you see those first signs that the in-laws are going to finally leave. By the first weekend of April, the winds will blow so hard you’ll see skid marks on trees, but danged if you won’t be glad.
The other day someone called me an “optimist idealist disguised as a jaded realist”. I thought about that and it began to stick. I think they’re right. I find I can be extremely cynical about a lot of things, especially things which are, or I want to be, near and dear to my heart. For instance, I have noticed in me a deepening cynicism toward Christianity lately, fueled in part by actions of other Christians. Yesterday’s post regarding Congressional interference in the Terri Schiavo case summed up my own feelings about the Religious Right, and I know I’m not alone in my concerns. C-Spew and I have our disagreements, but we tend to be in alignment in our dislike of the corporate and political turn Christianity seems to have taken in our country.
But, it’s a cynicism that derives from wanting the best from the things I love. What is Christianity doing embroiling itself in American politics? Or more to the point, what are Christ’s followers thinking? There is a reason Jesus advocated giving to Caesar what belongs to Caesar–it’s not just taxes he’s talking about, but it’s the whole political system to which we must submit, not make ours to conquer and control! I see Conservative Christianity carrying a sword it was never intended to hold, and right now that sword is the legislative process. It’s a dangerous position to be in, for those who live by the sword will also die by the sword. If it weren’t true, wouldn’t liberals still be in power right now?
A simplistic conclusion to be sure, but one which I don’t see any harm in heeding.
But enough blather. The sun’s gone back behind a cloud, and I can’t hear the insects anymore. And I’m sitting on a review of Be Cool. Why, I don’t know. I’m going to get out and push the planet a little closer to spring. Just a little, mind you. I wouldn’t want to upset the balance or anything. See ya tomorrow.
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Pushing to Spring
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I’ll try to make this post brief, as I see the necessity to write it for but one reason really, and that is in regards to your statement that expressed you have growing cynicism towards christianity, mainly, because of other christians. Perhaps as a christian I felt impart resposible, so I felt compelled to write. Granted though, it’s an honest sentiment…I can’t say that I’ve never felt it, and I think many christians are feeling a growing cynisism because of the conduct of other christians, but I try to remember that christianity is more than a “religion” or what some view as a political weapon, but at the heart of it all is love and a relationship with Christ. That’s what matters-all the political humbug aside, and despite ever-growing moral decay, Christ is Christ, and He wants us, not our self-appointed righteous causes or missions…. His mission afterall was to reconcile us, man to God, once and for all, and the thing I can never grow cynical about is the fact that there is this incredible God who just wants fellowship with someone like me-it boggles my mind. We humans afterall, are all pretty messed up…but that’s the beauty of grace.
Things happen to lots of people, and sadly sometimes it is our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ that make us doubt the most…but they are just human, God’s God-and I find so much peace in resting in that reality.
All this to say, I’ve prayed and hoped that I would not have been one to have aided the progession of cynicism towards christianity in your life…you tried saying a simple hello the other day and I did’t feel the need to respond, mainly, because I’ve married now and moved on, but also because I’m imperfect, like anyone else. I just wanted to say that I am sorry…and that I’ve always prayed somehow your relationship with Christ would be stronger and closer than even when I had known you…because that’s the most important thing in life. Sometimes I wish we could all have the innocence of a young child, eager to run to Christ because somehow it seems when your young, your less touched by or perhaps more naieve to the corrupt world we live in. Anyhow, not trying to change your sentiments at the moment, just offering up humble encouragement, for whatever it’s worth, coming from an old friend who may have been a sore witness for christ in your life in the past.
Kristy
J. -
I sadly add to K.’s sentiments my own failings and poor witness. To be honest, I’ve always kind of put you on a pedestal…kind of admiring and wishing that I could have a faith like yours, while at the same time forgetting that you may also need encouragement and someone to look towards when issues of faith arise. I’m sorry for not being the friend and brother in Christ that I should have been for several years.
- G.
… not to disrupt the mood here or anything, but I just wanted to know who was listening to Rebecca St. James, so if I know him I can make fun of him at some point.
Just wondering…
Kristy, thanks for your comments. Yes, you’re absolutely right. Christianity is, at its absolute, stripped down level, about Christ and Christ alone.
I think, though, what bothers me is that I see the conduct of Christians turning people off to Christ, and this is most distressing. What are we to do when our own brothers and sisters are so mired in their own selfishness, their own lust for power or prestige or money. And the thing is, they think they’re doing it all FOR Christ!
To put a fine point on things, I was not referring to you or G. Morgan about my cynicism–just a sentiment I’ve been feeling lately as I observe events in the world and around me in my little town and wonder why following Christ has so many pitfalls and so many signs, some even held by those on the road to heaven, telling wayfarers that Christ, or at least his followers, are brutish and just as nasty as they are. Not exactly the message of the Kingdom…
Anyway, I appreciate your thoughts on the matter.
And Brooke, you don’t know him, so sorry, I’m not releasing any names ;-)