According to this poll, more Republicans are satisfied with their sex lives than Democrats. The poll roughly correspond to Bush’s lead over Kerry according to Gallup et al, so I’m not sure how much I trust these numbers (About as much as I trust an anti-war documentary by Jane Fonda), but they do suggest that making love is more satisfying when you’re on the Right side of the bed.
Could it be the Left’s tendency toward “charitability” makes them preturnaturally grouchy with the person(s) they’re sleeping with, perhaps even turning them off from sex completely? After years of giving away the taxpayers’ money to illegal aliens, single mothers (who’ve already had their day of sex in the sun), deadbeats who can’t seem to “find a job”, and all the other welfare recipients; decades of government assistance programs; and labour legislation designed to give the working man his due, mightn’t the Liberals be tired of once more providing for someone else’s needs, even sexual ones? Could the Liberals have “goodwill fatigue”?
The Right has it right on. And they’re getting it on too, with more success in bed and business. Republicans are greedy, self-serving, and uncharitable–ideal combinant characteristics for a stunning experience in the sack. Think about it. Money is sex, and sex is power, and the Republicans are dying for all of it. They’re humping like rabbits and loving it. Not only is it the sex, but all the rewards it brings those engaged in it. Unless you end up giving it all away afterward, like the liberals. That’s where being greedy and self-serving comes into play. The greedier you are, the more sex you’re likely to have (and enjoy), and the more money you’ll make. It’s a finely tuned, vicious circle that Republicans seem to thrive inside.
Think of all the little ditties Republicans have embraced. Preemptive strikes. Screw diplomacy. Mission accomplished! Smart bombs! The French suck! All highly sexualized terms, all part of that double world the Right seems so adept at living in. While liberals can barely function if they’re not helping the impoverished, leaving sanctions in place, or setting up college funds for illegal aliens, conservatives are thrusting away at everything that seems to present a problem. Saddam Hussein? Thrust. WMD? Pre-emptive strike, thrust. 9/11? Thrust. Iran? Foreplay, baby.
Thus it is not surprising that more Republicans find sex more meaningful than Democrats. After all, they know the truth: humanity just isn’t worth the celibacy.