It’s January 30, and since there’s 31 days in January, I have until Midnight tomorrow night to finish my movie challenge. The challenge was this: Watch 52+ movies in a month. Each Movie had to be something I’d never seen before. Each Movie would be reviewed and posted on my website.
At the latest count, I have watched 45 movies. Seven more? No problem. Here’s the latest batch of reviews.
Ghosts of Mars – This entry, and the next two, were not originally movies I had planned to watch. I was struggling through the almost three-hour The Unbearable Lightness of Being, and I needed a break. I ended up at my old apartment watching these three bad movies, courtesy of love-starved Petie Martin. Bad Movie Night on Wednesday was back!
Certainly John Carpenter, who directed this wretched waste of celluloid, has done better. Then again, he’s probably done worse, though if he has, I haven’t seen it. Primal martians have taken on the form of dust clouds that infect the local miner population, turning them into S&M models who have a penchant for cutting off non-possessed people. The Martian Cops are in charge of a prisoner transfer, but when they arrive…man, this movie was bad. Do I really have to write a review for it? Let’s face it, it’s not exactly on anyone’s list for Best Movie or anything. I’ll just go to the next steaming selections.
XTRO – XTRO is a mean alien; according to the box cover, it’s “pure evil.” More like “pure crap.” In the first 40 minutes we see this alien kill two people, rape a woman and ram its ovipositor down her throat, and within a few minutes, is “born” as a full-grown man–not exactly “family fare.” We’re also treated to a woman who is used as an egg incubator, a toy soldier stabbing a woman trying to each chocolate, and a crazy clown who kills people (big surprise there). Yup, pure evil! If you feel like stabbing out your eyes while watching this movie, don’t blame me.
XTRO 2 – A “sequel” that has nothing to do with the original, except it is directed by the same guy. This is a blatant Aliens ripoff, down to the alien chasing down people in the air ducts. I don’t have the energy to continue writing about this horrible, horrible movie. I’m so glad this thing is almost over…
The Unbearable Lightness of Being – It’s a loooonnng movie, but sadly, only about an hour of it is interesting. Daniel Day-Lewis is a playah in 1968 Prague. He sleeps around a lot, and the women in his life learn to deal with his infidelities. Then the Soviets come in and start forcing everyone to believe Communism is a “good thing.” Minor spoiler. At the end, everyone dies, except one of the women. Ack, I can’t handle this anymore!
Empire Records – Before High Fidelity, there was Empire Records. ER is inferior and unfunny, and features a cast I couldn’t give a rat’s butt about, except for a young Renee Zellweger, which I’ll always give a rat’s butt about. Basically, the local record store is going to become a soulless music corp. store unless they can come up with money to buy it. Hint: They do. Another Hint: I hate Liv Tyler. So yeah, this movie did nothing for me.
The Virgin Suicides – The girls’ mom is a religious dick, and the dad is an insane math teacher. He’s whipped. She’s domineering. The girls are sad. The boys are sad. The mom won’t let the girls out to play. Kirsten Dunst is the slutty girl. They’re all dang cute. The boys love the girls. The girls love the boys. The five troubled girls each commit suicide differently, and the boys of the town are left wondering who they were, and why they did it. No one seems to know why. Great soundtrack. Muddled narrative. Interesting voiceovers, but ultimately unsatisfying.